Fights about money predict divorce better
than any other measure, according to one study(nisi.Ms/6ZN1HH). The first place
to begin in your marriage is an agreement that your marriage and your
relationship are more important than money.
Now, let’s talk about some ways that
couples can work on finding agreement about money in their marriage:
1、Begin with a broad
vision. Strive to seek ground for a shared financial vision of the future.
Don’t worry about today at all in this conversation. You are working to find
shared values about the future, you’ll build together. Broad questions like
whether or not you’d like to own a home, what retirement might be like, and
whether you’ll both work or whether one will be a breadwinner and the mother a
homemaker. It is vital that you both to be honest with each other. While it
might have been good to get this conversation before you were married, have it
now before things get worse.
2、Write down your
shared vision. You’ll be surprised at how hard it is to write down a description
of your shared vision. As you talk, you’ll often fall into the trap of hearing
what you want to hear. The act of writing it down and getting agreement that
what is written represents a shared vision will be essential to move forward
together.
3、Take a break. If
building a shared vision of the future was stressful and painful, take a break
for a day or a week or even a month. Remember the primary goal is the
establishment of a happy family not a fortune.
4、Set goals. Once you
have a shared vision and you’re ready to tackle more financial conversation,
try to set some specific long term goals. If your shared vision included paying
for the children to get to college, set a definite goal for saving for their
college. Set savings goals for retirement, for a home purchase, for your
careers as you envision them. Be specific but focus on the long term and not
today. Do not struggle over who spent more for lunch today!
5、Take a break. If you
have written down some precise long term goals, you’re doing great. That is
huge progress. You are under the age of a shared vision and specific goals. If
you’re having fun now, keep working, but if this is difficult work and
stressful, take a break for a few days or even a few weeks and return to this
when you’re ready.
6、Review. Now that
you’ve had a chance to create a shared vision and meticulous long-term goals,
review these together. Make sure you are still on the same page. If doubts and
concerns have arisen, deal with. Remember that you value your marriage more than
money.
7、Create an action
plan. This is where the rubber responds to the road. It is high time to start
talking about how you spend money today in order to accomplish the goals and
bring about the shared vision. It is reasonable to say that we’ll take six
months or a year to live out a dream—backpacking around Europe together, living
in Colorado skiing in winter and hiking in summer, living in Mexico near the
beach creating memories that you will cherish together forever. That said, it
wouldn’t be wise to borrow the money to make sure that a living for a year. If
you’ve got it, spend it in a way that will bring you back together. Then draw
up an action plan for accomplishing your goals and realizing your shared vision
of the future.
8、Build a budget. A
workable action plan likely includes something that looks an awful lot like a
budget. If one of your objects to the term, say that it is something else.
Spending guidelines, savings targets, discretionary spending limits all
accomplish the same thing. Find language you can agree upon and then begin
living by your budget, to realize your shared vision.
9、Remember, your
marriage can still work even if you can’t make a budget work. Focus on your
goals.
Nothing is greater to the happiness of a
family than the happiness of the marriage. Find your shared vision for the
future and work together to bring it about. Once you’re fighting for the same
thing you’ll stop fighting over the same old thing.
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